My name is Adebanke.
I am a creative writer at Lagos Beauty Blog and I suffered from low self-esteem for twenty-two years of my life. For as long as I can remember, I never felt beautiful. In fact, I was an ugly duckling to myself. I compared myself to everyone. My mum, my sisters, my cousin and anyone I could find. I was disgusted with myself. I hated my hair, despised my body and most especially detested my feet. I felt God added to His hatred for me by giving me the most massive and ugly feet.
I was quite tall for a girl. Some people even described me as huge. I don’t remember ever being a size six or eight. From the time I was thirteen, I was using a size twelve. My size in trousers, tops and shoes was forty-four. That was big!
Whenever it came to buying shoes for school, I was always depressed. We would go from store to store with diminishing hopes. I always ended up buying the ugly boyish shoes while my mates had the girly and petite shoes. I was embarrassed by my feet. One would think that with all these going for me, I would at least have had big boobs. That was the worst really. I had very small boobs for my size. My classmates never seemed to get enough jokes out of it.
To crown it all, I have the biggest nose anyone I could remember or think of at that time had. They even composed a song for me. Largely because of this, I never enjoyed secondary school. I seemed to have sunk into a pit of despair and the chains of low self-esteem were digging deeper into my skin.
I never felt I was good enough. I had always felt as if something was missing. like I was incomplete. So it was easy to cling to any guy that came by. I didn’t think I was beautiful enough to have any other guy. The danger with this kind of thinking was that I always got along with the bad boys. The ones that would toy with my heart and leave me for dead. The ones that would lie to me knowing fully well I will not believe any other person. I can go on and on, but then you will miss the point.
My self-esteem got so low that any time a business idea came to my mind, I would shove it aside. I would always remember a friend of mine that was doing or had done it for a living. I would give myself a thousand reasons why I would embarrass myself if I delved into the same business. So I was stuck with looking for a job. Looking for jobs that would not require too much mental tasks because I knew that I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for the high end jobs.
According to NHS.UK, self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us able to deal with life’s ups and downs better. When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical light. We also feel less able to take on the challenges life throws at us.
Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media give us lots of messages – both positive and negative. But for some reason, the negative messages are the ones that stick.
You may have found it difficult to live up to other people’s expectations of you, or to your own expectations of yourself. Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement might have had a negative effect on your self-esteem. Personality can also play a part. Some of us are simply more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.
I let a lot of opportunities pass me by because I didn’t believe in myself. But, I will no sooner let that happen to me than I would let it happen to you.
I haven’t completely shaken away the feeling that I am not good enough. It is an everyday battle and I hope we overcome it together. This blog was created mainly for the purpose of redefining your view of yourself. I love applying makeup and all that but for the longest time I never felt good with myself. People always complimented me but I always felt ugly.
Makeup can only work on the outside. I also want to help you work on the inside.